Rebuilding
by steadyasbella94
Summary: *REWRITTEN AND BETTER* Hermione is back at school and trying to deal what happened at the malfoys 4 months ago losing her only 'hope' she takes matters into her own hands will anyone be there to catch her when she falls? Deals w/ rape/self harm/miscarage


**I know I'm not done with my other stories but this is only a one shot until latter or unless I get enough reviews. **

**This is in their 7th /8th year, after book 7 Harry, Ron and Hermione go back to school along with the others from their class. Ginny continued on with her 7th year as did Luna. **

**Please enjoy!**

When Hermione woke up this morning she didn't expect her life to crumble for the second time in only a few months. School had started about three weeks ago, and she and Ron are seeing each other. They'll hold hands, and every once in a while you'll see them share a kiss but nothing extravagant like the way Ron and Lavender used to eat the others face.

But as of now Hermione sat in transfiguration, McGonagall was still the teacher even though she is now the headmistress. Hermione involuntary flinches at the pain in her stomach and abdomen but otherwise ignore it, as she was almost used to the pain. And as much as Hermione doesn't want to admit it she wasn't paying attention, instead she was thinking.

Thinking about life and the butter fly effects of it. If Harry didn't notice she was missing from the Halloween feast would the troll have killed her? Had she not of had been over loaded with work in their third year would Sirius have died by the kiss of a dementor and not Bellatrix three years later? If they were never captured by those snatchers almost four months ago would Dobby be alive? Or Draco sitting here in this class, still annoying as ever but a changed man after all the things he's seen? Or would she have been crusioed? Have the word 'MUDBLOOD' forever on her arm?

"Miss Granger, will you stay after." It was not a question. Hermione looked up eyes still glazed over as she worked out everyone was leaving. So she stood and packed up her books, walking to the front of the class, (Yes she was sitting in the back row) as she did so the pain saw increasing, yet she wondered what she had done wrong.

"Yes professor?" McGonagall looks up to the young woman in front of her only to see a fraction of the girl she had known for eight years. Dark shadows under her eyes, as though she isn't sleeping well. Shoulders slumped just enough to notice the difference from the way she used to carry herself.

"Miss Granger, I'm worried about you. No, that's wrong, the entire staff and I even know of some students that are worried about you." The Scottish voice rang throughout the empty class room. "It's not as though you are failing, but you sit in the back of the class, in all of them, not just mine. None of your assignments are six inches longer than need be, as that is what we have all come to expect from you, and you haven't raised your hand or answered a question unless directly asked."

Hermione goes to say something but is cut off "And the few times I have heard you say anything at all, you are on autopilot. But the thing that concerns me most is not only have I not seen you pick up a single book or make a trip to the library once since you've come back. But the light in your eyes, the way you shine with pride when you answer correctly or when you find a flaw many others have over looked."

"I…I…I'm sorry!" Hermione stutters out.

"Hermione, what happened?" Her deep green eyes search Hermione's face.

"I…I don't know what you mean." Hermione lies as she moves her eyes to her feet. She sets a hand on her stomach, partly because it hurt and partly to prove her point. "Just haven't been feeling well." Her voice cracked as a lone tear slides down her face.

The older witch sees the tear and brings her hand to meet Hermione's chin, she lifts her face so vibrant green eyes are pouring into dull caramel ones. "If you want to talk I'm always here." She whipped the young Gryffindor's tear away as she would do for her own daughter.

Suddenly a sharp pain rips through the younger witch, more painful than she had felt since it had started and she backs away "Sorry pro...Professor I… I have to go!" she runs to the door, through the halls passing several unfinished walls and crack in the floor but luckily only sees Parvati who tries to ask if she is okay but Hermione runs past. She doesn't run into any other students or teachers and finally makes it to the portrait of the fat lady "Gilly Weed" the door swung open and she keeps running.

Once in she can feel the warm liquid run down both of her legs, pooling in her shoes, her pants soaked by the time she made it to the bathroom connected to her room. Hermione can no longer stand and falls to the ground in pain, biting her lips in hope to stop from screaming. Her vision blurry, but soon all she sees is black.

**Several Hours Later**

Pain. Blood. All Hermione can do when she wakes is cry. The only light she could see at the end of the tunnel was now blown out like a candle on a kid's cake. She took her wand and cleaned the blood and whatever else there was, she tried not to think about it. Yet she couldn't just throw 'it' away and finds something the size of a shoe box and points her wand at 'it' levitating 'it' into the box, and sent 'it' where no one would find 'it', all the while crying. And crawls into the shower turning the water as hot as she can.

**An Hour and a Half Later**

The water was ice cold as Hermione turned it off and went to her room for something to wear, tears still streaming, she find a pair of her muggle PJ's and slips them on seeing her room mates were already in bed and asleep. She knew she couldn't sleep so she leaves her room calming her tears until she gets to where ever it is she is going.

She walks out of the empty common room and keeps walking aimlessly until she comes across a quill someone had dropped earlier in the day. And she loses it. She holds the forgotten quill as she slides down the wall. Sobs racking her body, all she wants to do is scream but someone would hear her so she takes the lost quill and with all her anger at Bellatrix, and Greyback, Voldemort, Harry, Ron, and Ginny, Neville, Luna and McGonagall, Dumbledore, but most of all herself.

With all her might she brings the dull quill to her wrist and pushes it into her arm and drags it to her elbow ready to welcome death.

McGonagall had just finished her last bit of grading and was on her way to the gargoyle that guards her office but she turned in the opposite direction, not knowing why, but knowing she wasn't going to like what she finds.

The witch walks for almost five minutes before she sees the recognizable bushy hair, and the pool of crimson surrounding the 7th year. She runs to her noting she was in muggle clothing. But takes off her outer cloak not caring who saw her in her short sleeved shirt, and wraps Hermione's bleeding arm.

Picking up the bloody girl McGonagall almost runs whispering as she does "What happened for you to resort to this?" almost to the infirmary she hears an others whisper.

"I lost it." Hermione's voice is weak.

"Lost what? Hermione you need to stay awake." Said the headmistress looking down at the now completely limp body. "Poppy! Miss Granger needs you!"

The healer runs out of her office at the sound of a distressed Minerva McGonagall, and sees her laying a limp and bloody Hermione Granger on the cot nearest her. "Oh my!" madam Pomfrey can't keep the shock of she sees contained, but recovers quickly and runs to get potions and a roll of bandages.

"Help me get this off of her!" Poppy tells Minerva as she starts to unwrap the older witches cloak from the students arm. After a few seconds of struggles with the cloak Hermione's arm is free.

Poppy pulls her wand from her robes and casts a series of silent spells that slowly start to mend her patient's mangled arm. "Here pour this in her mouth, make sure she swallows it." A vile of reddish liquid. "It's a blood replenishing potion, it will enable her blood cells to multiply faster, and with her amount of blood loss she needs it as soon as possible."

As McGonagall forced the concoction down the throat of Hermione madam Pomfrey pulls off the girl's top, as it's what muggles call a sweatshirt, not noticing anything but the girls arm, and works on wrapping her arm with the bandage so it will continue to heal on its own.

"She did this to herself?" Poppy's voice weak as she think to different times she's seen the Gryffindor throughout the years, and no matter the time would she of guessed she would do _this_ one day.

"I'm afraid she did." The professor answers. After a moment of silence she speaks again "I asked her why she did this as I brought her here, she said 'I lost it'. What would she have lost, that she thought this was her only choice?"

Poppy was raking her eyes over the young girl before them looking for other injuries finding scars in the shape of teeth among other things, her sharp intake of breath gets the attention of her company. "Oh my." Her mind leaves the bite mark as she waves her wand over the girls other arm, her right. And in front of the two witches in green letters a name appears.

"Bellatrix Lestrange?" Minerva asks the healer.

Pomfrey says "Look at this." And so she does.

"I knew her along with mister Weasley and Potter, were held at the Malfoy's manor but I never knew of… this." McGonagall looks at the word 'MUDBLOOD' on her favorite students arm.

**Two Days Later**

Hermione was safe in the infirmary sleeping only she did not know this. Her body ached as she was repeatedly hit with the same unforgivable curse that drove Neville's parents to insanity. And she could understand why, the pain of a thousand white hot knives hitting her body at once.

Bellatrix had yelled, screamed, slapped and kicked the young woman. But was not satisfied, she was on top of Hermione, in her face but leans into her neck, a smile graces her lips and she bites down, so hard blood pools in her mouth. Bellatrix lifts up and spits the blood on the owners face.

But that was the least of her worries as Bellatrix told the werewolf, Greyback, he could have her. Hoping Harry and Ron would appear out of nowhere as they always do, but not this time. No instead they showed up almost an hour too late.

Greyback had done the worst thing that he could have, no he didn't change her into a werewolf, that she would welcome in comparison to what he had done, what he had taken. All the time Bellatrix watched with no emotion other than pure glee as to what the "Filthy Mudblood deserves" the only others were the Malfoys and they had not wanted to be there to see something so horrid. Draco had even asked his aunt if it was necessary to take her virginity.

But right now that matters not, as the werewolf was striping her, his hands running from her knee slowly up to her breasts. Lips forced upon her own. One hand on her breast the other making its way to the most privet area, slowly making her suffer until he could no longer put off his own pleasure, and stripped himself.

Meanwhile madam Pomfrey is trying to wake the young woman as her nightmare overtook her. "No! Please! It's not real! Don't do this! Draco! Help me! Please!" unable to wake the girl the healer cast a Patronus is the shape of a bunny to find the headmistress and Draco Malfoy. And the bunny had found its targets, together actually, in Transfiguration class along with many other 7th years including a worried Harry and Ron, who had no idea where their best friend was.

"Headmistress and Draco Malfoy, you are needed I the infirmary." said the bunny as it entered the room. McGonagall went out the door as fast as she could, along with Draco worried about what might have happened to his mother or father and why they would be at Hogwarts.

Draco walked into a scene he never expected, madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall; she arrived moments before, were standing over a screaming and thrashing Hermione Granger. Immediately his thought traveled to the same night she was reliving.

Him mother holding him close to her, his father's hand on his shoulder, as he was forced to watch as the werewolf stole his classmates everything. But the worst was when she called to him, Draco Malfoy for help, and he could do nothing. He had never liked the girl on the floor that was writhing in pain, but no one, not even his enemy should go through _this_.

Minerva arrived to a screaming Hermione, and a frantic Poppy, who was trying to wake the thrashing girl on the cot. "Please Draco! Don't! Stop! I'm not lying!" as Hermione said his name she had realized why Poppy had sent for him also.

McGonagall looks around the room finding the young Malfoy still in the door way frozen with a look of terror on his face with tears running rapidly toward his green and silver tie and black cloak. Not completely understanding, she walks to the Slytherin and says "Mister Malfoy." He seems to come out of his trance.

"I'm sorry! I couldn't stop them, I'm sorry Hermione." He falls to the ground.

McGonagall is shocked but still wanting to know what could make her act the way she is, pursues the blond young man "what happened?" her voice is calm but her mind is reeling.

"You don't know." Stated the blond. "Well I won't be the one to tell you, as much as I would like to, she has to tell you." The Slytherin stated keeping his ground.

Madam Pomfrey has finally gotten Hermione to swallow the liquid tonic and she was calming down. Still sleeping but now calm, as the headmistress realizes she won't get anything out of the Slytherin she sends him back to her class after having him tell professor Flitwick to cover her class.

**Hours Later**

Harry and Ron sat in the common room trying to figure where Hermione was, after they hadn't seen her at breakfast the day before they were worried and asked Lavender Brown if she had seen her. All that Lavender said was that she saw Hermione the night before and she didn't look too good and was probably sick.

But after not seeing her today they were scared for her, both knowing she hasn't been herself as of late, and on many of occasion asked her about, and each time she would say "I'm fine." And change the topic. They had even discussed whit with their head of house, professor McGonagall.

And as the boy silently sit in front of the fire both looking for answers they wouldn't find, Hermione was fluttering her eyes as she slowly woke up.

Pushing up she tried to remember why she was in the infirmary, then she felt the pain in her arm and all of it came back to her. The talk with her Transfiguration teacher, the pain rip through her, running to the bathroom, more pain, blood, showering, her pajamas which she notices she is no longer wearing, needing to get away, seeing the lost quill, all her anger and sorrow, all of it.

Hermione started to cry, and then did the one thing she hadn't allowed herself to do since Dobby had saved her Ron and Harry. She screamed, she screamed for Dobby, for Fred, Mad Eye, Lupin, Tonks, Teddy who will never know either of his parents, herself, but most of all she screamed for her baby. The baby she will never know, the baby that never even opened its eyes, took a breath, or even let out a scream of its own.

She was almost asleep when Poppy heard the blood curdling scream; she quickly sent a potronus to find Minerva before running to the young witch who she knows the scream belongs to. "Hermione, honey you need to calm down." The healer rubs her back as her scream quiets a little but doesn't completely dissolve.

McGonagall runs into the room hearing the scream, and goes to Hermione wrapping the girl in her arms, slowly her screams stop and she starts sobbing into the older witches chest as the healer watches on rubbing her back.

Once the sobbing is reduced to the occasional hiccup the Gryffindor head asks "Hermione what happened?"

The room stays silent for a few moments as Hermione decides what to say. Taking a deep breath she says "I… It… My… I killed it."

Pomfrey and McGonagall look to each other before encouraging the girl to go on. "When you spoke with me after class… Yesterday was it?" both older women shook their heads. "Well as we spoke I had to leave and now I'm here because I killed it."

"Please start from the beginning."

"Well as you know Harry Ron and I spent some time at the Malfoys. But as the boys were sent to the cellar Bellatrix said to leave me with her so she could get some answers, talk to me 'girl to girl'. " She showed them her 'MUDBLOOD' scar "Before she gave me this I was crusioed so many times I lost count after twenty-three. Then she carved this in my arm with the same knife that she ended up killing Dobby the house elf with." She explained at the confusion on the face of the healer.

"But before Dobby even came she told Greyback, the werewolf that attacked Bill Weasley, he could 'play' with me all he wanted." Hermione's eyes are clamped shut as the Headmistress and madam Pomfrey look on in horror as to what the girl in front of them is saying.

"And he did, Bellatrix laughed as he did, she even cast some sort of spell over the Malfoy's so… so they couldn't leave, I begged for help but she just laughed as Greyback stripped me, and touched me, the look of complete glee on her face as he raped me was the worst. Even worse that _Draco was begging for __my__ release_, he said it was wrong to do to anyone, Pureblood, mudblood, or even muggle and went to leave when she cast the spell and he froze."

In the Gryffindor common room Lavender found just who she was looking for. "Hey! Ron, Harry!" both boys look up from the fire to see her run at them. " I was talking to Parvati and she saw Hermione like two days ago and she said she was looking pale, even more than she has been lately. And we went up to infirmary…" she took a deep breath and looked at them, "She is there."

Harry and Ron both get up and head for the infirmary "But McGonagall said she isn't allowed visitor yet."

"Why?"

"Nobody will say, just that she needs to be alone so she can rest up"

Ron and Harry both slump down back onto the chairs looking in the fire as if it would tell them what had happened.

The infirmary was silent once again as tears slide down all of the women's faces a sob from Hermione every minute or so was the only sound for almost ten minutes.

Minerva McGonagall held the girl as she cried, Poppy on her other side rubbing soothing circles on her back. But as her student sobbed in her own arms she realized that the rape Hermione just, bravely told her about was months ago. _Why would she wait almost four months to try and kill herself? _She asked herself. But the answer came to her as she thought about the conversation. 'I killed it.'

Hermione feels her professor shake her head "Hermione what did you mean you killed it? What do you think you killed?" the healer stopped as she too understood what happened.

"I…Err…I lost the… baby!" Hermione cries.

The three of them sat there until the sun rose none of them falling asleep and all thinking the same thing 'How will Hermione get past this?'

"Have you told mister Weasley and mister Potter?"

"No, but I want to."

"You may want to speak with mister Malfoy also, let him know you don't blame him." Said McGonagall.

"Yeah I think I will." Hermione whispered.

**This story was inspired by simple plans song untitled**

_I open my eyes  
>I try to see but I'm blinded<br>By the white light _

_I can't remember how?  
>I can't remember why?<br>I'm lying here tonight _

_And I can't stand the pain  
>And I can't make it go away<br>No, I can't stand the pain _

_How could this happen to me?  
>I've made my mistakes<br>Got nowhere to run  
>The night goes on <em>

_As I'm fading away  
>I'm sick of this life<br>I just wanna scream  
>How could this happen to me? <em>

_Everybody's screaming  
>I try to make a sound<br>But no one hears me _

_I'm slipping off the edge  
>I'm hanging by a thread<br>I wanna start this over again _

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
>And I can't explain what happened<br>And I can't erase the things that I've done, no I can't _

_How could this happen to me?  
>I've made my mistakes<br>Got nowhere to run  
>The night goes on <em>

_As I'm fading away  
>I'm sick of this life<br>I just wanna scream  
>How could this happen to me? <em>

_I've made my mistakes  
>I've got nowhere to run<br>The night goes on _

_As I'm fading away  
>I'm sick of this life<br>I just wanna scream  
>How could this happen to me<em>

**Please review if you want more I'll write more but for now this is it. So the more reviews I get the faster I might make this into a whole story.**


End file.
